matrimo[a]ny

we are writing in angst, frustration and a large dollop of cynicism.

our attempts at converting the marital status of a deserving woman have so far come to nought. fair and not-so-fair eves have united in their unwillingness to link their lot with us and the reasons thereof strike us as either prudish, psychobabble or downright demented. to list the top three:

1. we live in dobuy

2. we have carnivorous dietary habits

3. dk/cs

those who did approach us have been politely [we hope] told to buzz off as their descriptions of self and ideal mate are wild swings of fantasy and grevious injury to the language [text reproduced from a popular matrisite of which we are a paid member till today evening; italics ours]:

-          want a person of similar tests [physicist, iit]

 indeed – we are not so scholarly

-          i am simple living high thinking

such a ghastly name

-          i come from a close knit family

didn’t know ‘stitch in time saves nine’ referred to vasectomies…

-          i want smart looking descent man. the 2 are mutually exclusive- this is sheer fantasy

-          basically i’m loving. ah! and where were you all my life…?

-          looking for a honest guy. have you tried your local incarceration facility?

we thought our profile of the ideal mate was not so complicated – worldy, similar age bracket, more head than face and ready for what george washington called ‘the foundation of happiness or misery’. and we offer what no other man can offer – ourselves! plus bed tea, sarcastic sense of humour and a largish girth [thereby giving more to like].

so what gives??

dhow jones index - the burj khalifa

going over the top has a new meaning...


it dont get any bigger! we have seen it grow from a few metres to 828 metres, and that is something we shall tell the grandkids [not necessarily ours...].

thats what it looks like from the top...


and its cheaper to buy an apartment here than in bombay or delhi. just shows there's one every minute and that one is usually from the indies.


should plan a cuppa at the top though. anybody interested?

2010...

bienvenue
                         welkom             欢迎
مرحبا
                                         fáilte
willkommen                               karibu
                   selamat datang
         benvenuto                                  croeso
                                             chào mừng

2009... in a few words

fini finis
完成
klaar fertig  
انتهى
skončil gorffen
selesai
alimaliza
críochnaithe
hoàn thành

statement of the year!

Sir John Hunt, cabinet secretary during Margaret Thatcher's tenure:
“Mrs Thatcher will attend the summit as Prime Minister and not as a woman per se."


britspeak never fails!

glocal warming...

from bur(p) dobuy to south dobuy

we have moved.


the spice-scented, bazaar-like lanes of bur(p) dobuy will no longer resonate with the thumping feet of a hungry ba-xi in search of sustenance. for, like hillary, fiennes and mallory, we have ventured forth to newer climes and pastures fresh. south dobuy, or so-du, for the so-ho & so-bo wouldhavebeens.

the verdant, pastoral climes of discovery gardens now have an added charm - herbie and owner. we can be found of an evening pacing the paved paths of the mediterranean enclave [a throwback to imperium romanum...? see attached image].


more on the discovery in posts to come. regrettably the garden is sans eve. we sincerely hope this is but a temporary hiatus - vergio vestalis is not our idea of a pleasant state of being.


visitors welcome. with sustenance.

good intentions are no good!

why are we all getting our chaddis in a twist and wringing our hands that "i havent done enough to make my city safe"?


although well-intentioned, these sentiments are misplaced. the ordinary citizen of any place is NOT equipped to do anything in these situations. nor is he supposed to.


there are agencies, authorities and individuals mandated to police / guard / secure the city. what the ordinary joe or jane [or janardan, to be PC] can do is mount social / political pressure on these agencies to make them do what they are supposed to do.


but at the risk of sounding king-learish, we dont see much hope of large-scale cohesion in bombay - the good folks of the city can't even agree on what to call the city!!!

can we forget?

dobuy survival

now that we are a hardened veteran of nearly 4 years standing in dobuy, herewith a couple of nuggets distilled out of these 4 years:
1. come with money to pay for house rent advances. 2-4-6 aint the new size zero - thats the number of months for which a consolidated rent is demanded depending on the area. and not all companies plump up those kind of advances to new employees who still dont know the right end of a camel from the wrong 'un
2. make friends with at least 2 good real estate brokers. preferably indian. the goras are too spaced out to realise reality (we spoke today to one blonde sounding gal who quoted AED 70k for a studio - 'its in marina'. we are still faint with fright!)

home alone...

forgive us if we indulge in some more pontification on home and travails thereof. caused due to a misguided adventure in the wilds of dubai to a place aptly called 'discovery' garden. it truly had to be discovered - being in the nether region between dobuy and abu dhaba - and unlike eden, had neither eves nor snakes (like i care a dam). nearest laundry: 10 min drive. nearest grocery: 7 min drive. nearest restaurant: 15 min drive. networks not work. we were out like the proverbial scalded rabbit!


the flag shall hopefully continue to fly in bur(p) dobuy for now. visitors welcome!

from home to home

we were home last week. came back home yesterday. therein lies the current confusion in our mind - what, finally, is home? is home where you feel at home or is it where you wish you didnt have to leave from? bombay and dobuy for us throw up this conundrum regularly!


be that as it may, was nice to spend quality time with the parents and avoid all but one close friend. realised that friendship is quite transitory, especially with women. narrowly avoided cyclone phyan (who dreamed up that name?) and rediscovered the pleasure of mom's cooking (not just a song...). returned by biz class so felt rather CEO-ish briefly. spoilt the impression by watching delhi 6 (cant expect anything interesting from someone who spells 'rakesh' as 'rakeysh').


struck zero on the nuptials front. modern trends discourage ladies from going to heathen civilisations like dobuy. but hope burns eternal. now if only that damn shaadi.com membership gets reactivated chop-chop...


ahlan wa-sahlan!

signs of the times...

seen in a times report on the death of stephen gately: 

Mr Dochev, 25, said: "I found Stephen dead and I woke his husband..."

how will the species survive?

cross fertilisation

should i develop a new app called face blog...?

bedouin musings - journey from dobuy to abu dhaba

• dubai to abu dhabi 2 hours. abu dhabi to dubai 90 minutes. or does it seem that way to a homesick dubai fellagha...?
• the pleasure of driving along the expressway cannot be expressed in mere words. since we don't do poetry or other art forms, we shall have to let it pass. but the senses tingle...!
• dhabas needed en route. not mallu garbageterias. alu paratha better than malnese (mallu chinese).
• 2 maseratis, 7 lexus, 9 mercs and assorted minor autoroyalty along the way. we in our crv were like the royal elephant
• fm helps. own music helps more. the beatles, cliff richard, dire straits (no reference to the road), hotel california (on a dark desert highway is quite appropriate), the doors, bob dylan. also shiv kumar sharma, hari prasad chaurasia, nusrat, rahat and hariharan
• good company good. own company tolerable.

bonne conduite!

tracking two trains...

dhow jones index - the dobuy metro

and there you are:
- the world's 1st driverless metro
- the middle east's 1st metro network
- the world's newest rail network


however we will resist the urge to trainspot:
- our car is too new
- bombaywallahs have an inherent suspicion of new & roomy trains
- the camel-to-train transition is still in test mode
                                                      - the nearest station from our home / office is too far to walk to and too
                                                        close to drive to


                                                        but travel in it we will, for that familiar swaying feeling and for the view!

à table!

eid has happened today and our ehtiopia-like situation has been resolved. fasting for a month might seem like a good idea for a lot of people. good luck to them all. we need our 3 squares a day (as well as several other shapes in the course of a normal day). our rather circular silhouette bears testimony to this!


we are looking forward to the table groaning under the weight of viands, victuals and vin...

dobuy driving travails

we have been considering posting on the travails that gentlefolk go through in getting a driving license in dobuy. put it off till the piece o'plastic was safely in our wallet. now that it is, and we are wheeled (as it were), here goes:

1. driving schools in dobuy are a means to sponsor bollywood fraternal visits. fees for every little thing, which are thrown at one like pellets from an air rifle.

2. most instructors are from around the khyber pass and wouldnt recognise a metalled road if it hit them (or vice versa).

3. most training cars are nissan sunnys. which is like learning about sex from mills and boon.

4. no trainees are allowed on SZR. imagine the terror of a freshly blooded driver when he sets wheels onto this road and finds 6 lanes of sheer frenzy. statistically the maximum accidents in dobuy are on this road, caused by 1st timers crouched under the dashboard in utter panic.

5. 30 minute classes are of no use.

6. inspectors annotate the driving test sheet in arabic. getting someone to translate and then understand what "you drive loose" means is ulcer-inducing.

7. most driving schools are manned by folk from a certain island nation of south-east asia whose name is similar to that of the king-consort of england. these folks labour under an average iq of 2 and deserve to be flattened further.

more later. keep driving.

dobuy quirks

seen recently in dobuy. we werent aware that habits were advertised quite so openly. signs of badvertising? or is this a sign of big brother dictating, in a generally very tolerant oasis?

Bah! rain?!

well thats how the locals pronounce it!

we spent 2 days in the kingdom of bahrain. though we are no apologists for a monarchical system, 'kingdom of bahrain' does have a rather regal air to it. now if it would only rain there! a chilled beer would have gone down right nicely but alcobevs are off the market due to the current month. wonder how the us navy's fifth fleet is taking it... the indian influence seems stronger than in the uae - more indian brands visible for instance. no doubt due to a strong trading relationship with yonder shores since several hundred years. cant avoid the natives can we?! perhaps the next trip will be more useful and enriched with photography...

our first bought

this is herbie. our first bought. she has completed 1 month and has already stepped far and wide (2 trips to abu dhabi). this post also signals the start of an occasional series on driving in dobuy - from travails to travels. stay logged on.

culinary revolt

after nearly 3 years of palate bashing, we have finally decided to revolt against the overbearing presence in dobuy of cuisine from the malabar coast! never has food been so tortured as in this cuisine, and the agony is exacerbated by the utterly crude and undignified manner in which the staff of every restaurant of this region treat customers! the only redeeming feature of this heathen cuisine from a barbaric origin was its ubiquity and cost. good for a homesick malabar man but not good enough for us.

will anjan chatterjee please take note...

dilemmas, on horns of

we wonder if fb is the antithesis of a blog. we have logged more hours on fb than on our blog. and there have been noteworthy happenings here in dobuy... car, for one. and liberty of space and thought thereby.

of course the old excuse of too much work and too little screen time can, and will, be trotted out in our defence. so all ye who mutter dark threats under your breath, know that we were kin to samson / ben hur / uncle tom et al.

we will return on the morrow...

Why we like the Beeb...

so quoth the Beeb:

Some place names suffer from a form of irritable vowel syndrome, documented by linguistics experts as the Great Vowel Shift of the Middle Ages

Hindland!

the following item appeared in today's Gulf News here in DoBuy on the occasion of the Queen's 83^rd birthday: "…Authentic British fare was on offer including fish and chips, roast beef, bangers and mash and chicken tikka masala."

janmadin mubarak, ma'am!

culture conundrums

one of those quirky bits of information that pop up during one's late shift at work.
when you do a google.ae search for 'identical twins in dubai', the first 5 links talk about... camel twins!

wonder if the obsession with 'leggy young things' also has a different connotation in DoBuy...!?

and finally would macbeth have talked about the milk of camel kindness?

oxymoron of the day...

"corrective rape"
referred to in various media articles in recent days about the prevalance of this practise in south africa to 'cure' certain mating preferences.

and the south african government has obfuscated in classic style: "While hate crimes – especially of a sexual nature – are rife, it is not something that the South African government has prioritised as a specific project." (South Africa's national prosecuting authority )

nice.

quantitative easing

sounds like an enema for the financial system! robert cole of the times describes it as "A posh way of referring to the process of printing money. It is a horrible piece of jargon..." (http://business.timesonline.co.uk/tol/business/economics/article5753844.ece).

if only our personal financial woes could be solved as easily!

ides of march

for those readers misguided enough to wander past this blog! we refrained from posting out of sympathy for people's sensibilities. but we think that abstinence is a crime and hence we are back like hopeless addicts! besides after a month's holiday at home the batteries are supposed to be recharged and what better way to check than through a well drafted post...

Obamaguration

the defining soundbyte of the show: breathless BBC presenter to colleague:
"Rajesh he's getting out! President Obama IS getting out of his CAR".

whatever happened to the stiff upper lip...?

Merry New Year...!

Best wishes for a marvellous 2009!

Meilleurs voeux pour une excellente année 2009!

أطيب التمنيات للعام 2009 ممتازة

最良好的祝愿一个极好2009年

Beste wensen voor een uitstekend 2009

Beste Wünsche für einen ausgezeichneten 2009

Semoga yang baik 2009

I migliori auguri per un ottimo 2009

Brrrr DoBuy

Methinks Ski Dubai has been extended to cover the less-fortunate areas of DoBuy! Bur Dobuy is cold, windy, and grey. Not to mention like a pond thanks to the heavy rain (all of 5 mm) over the last 3 days.

Funny to see monkey caps, blazers, cardigans in sunny (?) DoBuy. This place can be quirky sometimes. Hailstorms in DoBuy!!

This kind of weather wont last. So we shall soak it in and store memories for oven-like days when we realise what a tandoori chicken feels like!

The redemption of advertising...

The profession actually has a patron saint!! Saint Bernardine of Siena: patron saint of advertisers; advertising; gambling addicts; public relations personnel; public relations work.

Now we know that the halo on our heads is not a targa file but the real McCoy!

Though not many people may know that advertising is actually spelt with an 'h' which is silent, so a saint is required to protect us from the curses of the hads.

Lest we forget...

Illuminatus

for the light has come back into our life...

are there bad beard days?

blogeance

thats blogging with a vengeance...

a bit of self-adulation

feels good to be a pioneer. some people pioneer peanuts in coke. some pioneer kayak racing. some pioneer eating contests. we pioneered street plays in the UAE.
yes its official. our street plays campaign for Dubai Municipality in October-November has been recognised as the first such initiative in the UAE. check it out:
http://www.xpress4me.com/news/uae/dubai/20010166.html

and yes, do go to naif road in dubai - its clean!

(and now you know why the blog has been silent...!)

the light has gone out of our lives

which is what happens when the electricity bills arent paid. like a flash the flow is cut off and you are left standing in the darkness and feeling rather silly.
thank god for cousins down the road...

been a while

We are back. Words dry up in andropausal situations. But that's all in the mind. So never mind.

Clash of civilisations…

Car explodes after colliding with donkey.

The collision killed the animal, but the driver was unhurt

 

http://www.arabianbusiness.com/524610-car-explodes-after-colliding-with-donkey?ln=en

For thee…!

And now a few thoughts and some random pensées on the FIRST day of one's 40s…:

• Like happy birthday to me!
  
• Like happy birthday also to Naomi Campbell whose temper matches mine but who looks good enough to eat! (I look eaten…)
  
• Like today was a blast in more ways than one – got promoted too!
  
• Like virginity at 40 is like CEO at 20 – the possibilities are enormous!
  
• Like its funny to hear scarface talking about child management – his bairn runs circles around him! Way to go bráthair!
  
• Like, thank you london, paris, washington, dubai and bombay for birthday wishes. Lets party!
  

And finally

• Like lets spare a thought for the many millions who have their birthdays today but cannot celebrate for divers reasons. Let them all know that they have a place in our thoughts.
  

A rolling stone gathers some moss…

A few thoughts and some random pensées on the last day of one's 30s…:

• Like on the last day of my 20s I was in Calcutta.
  
• Like the last 10 years have gone in the proverbial blink of an eye.
  
• Like the girls that I thought I was in love with then are long gone to other men. But bless them for they brought moments of great joy to my life.
  
• Like all the girls I have been in love with have pushed me to introspect and make me a better man. And for that I salute them.
  
• Like in spite of all the introspection I still cant figure out how to woo a girl! That's why a certain angora is still free and unattached!
  
• Like the Great Zorba, to whose dictates I acquiesce unreservedly, should know that she has a very special place in the baxi pantheon. Right up there. For tolerating this weird guy for a quarter of a century!
  
• Like in the last 10 years I have managed to spend time in the 4 cities I always dreamed about as a boy – London, Paris, Amsterdam and Calcutta. Not to mention the others.
  
• Like when I look back, life was never the same after 1992. For me because I went to France (thank you mum and dad). And for Europe because the EU AND baxi happened together! I know I changed after Europe. Has Europe changed after me?
  
• Like DoBuy needs to shake itself and get real. Its too nice a place to go the American way!
  
• Like globe trotting has its charms but I prefer to go to known places. And know them intimately. So wind and weather willing its more of Hendon, Quartier Latin and perhaps the Brink in Laren.
  
• Like I can get terribly blasé about it but living a few miles from the world's tallest building is extremely boast-worthy!
  
• Like I need to get into shape fast to get back to the kebabs, steaks, lambs et al which I have been denying myself over the past year and more. Not to mention the G & Ts
  
• Like the last few months have been more emotionally draining than any so far.
  
• Like I will never come to terms with PMB. Khub tatari chole gaalo dada.
  
• Like it was thrilling to know that 3 lovely nieces and one cool nephew think the world of me!
  
• Like life has so far been good to me. And I hope it continues to be so. Perhaps better but lets not get greedy.
  

And finally

• Like Mum and Dad and S & S get a huge hug from me. For all the usual reasons – being there for me, coping with tempers, educational foul-ups, career blahs and lately marital woes. But also for one very unique reason – for always putting me before them and not expecting anything back. Love you all!
  

Mus(h)ic!!

Apologies to a very respected and well-loved 'kaka' [that's swahili btw not hindi] – the news that he gave a while ago should have been posted tout de suite. But well, the sands control us…! The stupendous news is that President Musharraf of Pakistan has been introduced to this 'kaka' [a member of this author's clan] through the medium of music! The Nine Moods of mankind can now include mushy, since that's what he felt when he heard some CDs gifted to him by Navras Music. He also called the éminence musicale of Navras and spoke to him at length.

Music obviously knows no boundaries!

Some more things we love hearing after a heavy lunch!

Since the gravitational force of a body on itself, at the surface of a body of any shape, increases in inverse proportion to its characteristic lengthscale squared (as volume^-2/3 )

The BBC’s idea of a decent nosh

The BBC describing the menu at the state dinner for French President Nicholas Sarkozy on 26 March 2008: 'A bit of fish, a bit of lamb and lots of French wine'. Indeed…!

The French, ‘e speak the english!

Mr Sarkozy breaks into English! Standing up to loud applause, he waves it away and says "Thank you, thank you, but waiting for my speech."

One of life’s oldest mysteries…

How does a guy understand a woman? Never mind disparate planetary origins, abundant and ambitious theories on demystifying this mystery, etc. Am driven to write this thanks to a weekend during which fondly held theories on woman, lovely woman have been overturned. But the nature of developments coming on the spring equinox convinces me that stormy clouds have withdrawn and happy days are nigh!!

 

If a certain girl is reading this she will know what I mean…!

Plumbing new lows in trivia!!!

 

read in The Times, London: Most toilets flush in the key of E flat

 

go figure...!

so musicians should feel flushed with success each time they loose themselves in micturation!

The Dhow Jones Index

The world's tallest building just might become the worlds SECOND tallest building!


That incredible man of money, Prince Alwaleed bin Talal, has announced plans for a MILE-high tower in Saudi Arabia.


Osteopaths and spacetourism companies, ready get set...!

It's a month today...

Did you know that...

Mastodons were browsers, while mammoths were grazers.
Thus proving that new-age diets didnt work even in the pleistocene era...!

humpty humpty

08022008: the camels have survived baxi for two years! always knew they were tough animals. this blog also celebrates 2 years. am off for some chardonnay...

Am Bushed!!!!

Do Buy's economy could be facing losses of around 432 million dirhams ($117.6 million) following the city's complete shutdown on Monday 14 January 2008 for the visit of US president George W. Bush.
http://www.arabianbusiness.com/508197-dubai-economy-suffers-1bn-hit-

Government Of Dubai's own country...?

Some more things we love hearing after a heavy lunch

Reduces protocol exposure to server message block (SMB), LanMan, and Lightweight Directory Access Protocol (LDAP).

The Dhow Jones Index

its official - DoBuy has the world's tallest building: the Burj Dubai [@ 512.1 metres, aka the world's largest phallic symbol].

dunno abt the rest of the world but i prefer to be closer to terra firma. and would the neighbourhood grocer deliver a half pint of milk and 2 cokes 500 mtrs up?

Duh!!!

why did the uniformly attired chief of a certain country declare an emergency against his OWN administration?

BSL

these delays between posts are depriving the world of good reading material.
work and blogging do not go together.
hence we have developed a new genre of literature: BSL or Bite-Size Literature.
distinct from sonnets, limericks and haiku.
no form, metre or structure.
suggestions are welcome.

was just thinking....

one of my closest friends is friends with mallika sherawat (see right).

so asked her:

if this author were to marry the actress would she be called sherawat-baxi?

or just plain she-xi?

we are back

back on the blog. after a much-needed vacation at home. more on the holidays in blogs to come.

also, am pleased to announce the launch of the "Dhow Jones Index" - an occasional look at the vagaries of DXB life with all its excesses, malupropisms, grandeur and beauty.

and you STILL think the USA is a great country?

US pigeons to get contraceptives
Birth control is to be used on pigeons in California in an effort to combat the "unmanageable" mess their increasing numbers are causing.
(source: BBC News)

Can we please bring back the empire?

DoBuy prattle

overheard at Burjuman Centre (popular and upmarket shopping mall in DoBuy):
Nowadays, the number of Ethiopians who wear clothes increasing.

Foodie heaven? I think not...

Competitive eating is a popular pastime in America, particularly at holidays.

but for a serious smorgasbord of food come to DoBuy!

Some more statements we love hearing after a heavy lunch!

Upon entry of the target cell, the viral RNA genome is converted to double-stranded DNA by a virally encoded reverse transcriptase that is present in the virus particle.

Folies Burjères!

NOW we know where this was inspired from!!!

For the uninitiated, the Burj Al Arab (far left) is the world's most expensive hotel and one of the major landmarks of DoBuy. The design has supposedly been inspired by the sail of a dhow (the traditional fishing boats in these parts). But WE know where the design came from dont we!! (see right if too thick headed to get the allusion)

Dont see ourselves going to the BAA very soon - they charge an entry fee of AED 200 (whatever happened to the fabled arab hospitality...?). And the wine is at AED 60 a pop (the dhow WAS the boat of choice for smugglers in the Persian Gulf...!)

'appy bday to

Charles Aznavour, Naomi Campbell, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Sir Laurence Olivier, Richard Wagner and of course yrs trly.

2nd birthday in DoBuy. Feeling lonesome. Think its time to get company.

Aping the french...

Aping the french...

During World War One, a gorilla escaped from a menagerie near the Elysée palace, entered the palace and was said to have tried to haul the wife of President Raymond Poincaré into a tree only to be foiled by Elysée guards.

Off with his....!!

"The American people are proud to welcome your majesty back to the United States, a nation you've come to know very well. After all you've dined with 10 U.S. presidents. You've helped our nation celebrate its bicentennial in 17 -- in 1976," Bush said.

Bush looked at the queen sheepishly. She peered back at him from beneath her black and white hat.

Il s'agit de la France

The dichotomy of the French: you cant have the left on one hand and the right on the other. An indication of the inherent nature of the universe (as represented in Gaul) that a man from a communist origin turns right somewhere along the way.

Anyone for some bordeaux?

Statements we love hearing after a heavy lunch

However it has been recently discovered that mitochondrial DNA can be recombinant.

Burp Dubai

Kashmiri (कॉशुर, کٲشُر) food fest in Dhow Palace Hotel
Thai food festival for สงกรานต์ Songkran in Baitong and similar
Kerala appams wherever you look
Frontier food in Raavi or Karachi Darbar
Rajasthani food in Sakoni
Pao bhaji in Sukh Sagar
Kebab & hummous in Lebanese Village
Peas pulao and chicken curry from Choithram' s take-away
Shawarmas everywhere
... and this is just a small sample

You cant go hungry in Bur Dubai!!

Gandhi redux!

developments over the last few weeks have forced a rethink. a rather big hammer wielded by fate has led to us abandoning the gay (pl no pun) merry life and embarking on an austere quasi-monastic existence. we shall henceforth (at least till further notice) refuse the leg of lamb, the sikandari raan, the t-bones, the koftes and allied meat-of-the-matter viands and concentrate on garden-fresh veggies and the occasional fish. we will also have to abandon plans for now for a camel BBQ planned at the end of this month.

the health is not what it used to be, and this was discovered just after the last post. additional incentive to sort out the health was the size of the doc's bill. the same number as the year!

shall be back in a few days with more interesting stuff.

muddle east?

this place can catch one unawares. we disembark thinking of tans, SPF, ice creams, Long Island Iced Teas and so on. for this is after all desert. where the sun shines 335 days of the year (we are on leave for 30 days and are out of the country so we dont know if the sun shines those days). these points are all borne out for 9 months of the year. july - sept / october is not fit for man nor camel. considerable investments in knee-lengths and sleeveless tunics.

but come november, and everything goes awry. KLs and SLs are hastily jettisoned. frantic searches are initiated for woolens! airconditioning is passé and monkey caps are de rigueur. the temperature swings from 42 deg to 12 deg. while people dont actually freeze, hypothermia is a distinct danger in the outlying parts of dobuy.

we are quite confused.

i ton yhw ti od dluoc icniv ad fi

we write this as a legit resident of the sands! over the last few weeks we have got a l'il piece of plastic that certifies us to 'legally live and work in the United Arab Emirates'. thrills us no end to be legit. what thrills us even more is the fact that we are 'free of infectious disease' and therefore 'medically fit to reside in the UAE'. we all know what 'infectious disease' means in today's enlightened age.
the new year has happened and we saw it in snoring away. though there was a spectacular fireworks display which we saw from our lawns (we have two). the relief at finally getting our papers sorted made xmas, new year's eve, etc a wee bit more fun!
finally managed to read 'da vinci code' hence the title. the book does not grip. nor does it hold. a waste. the author becoming a multi-millionaire on this garbage only proves there's one born every minute. and now we even have IVF...
anyway, happy new year and may the gods (or L. Ron Hubbard depending on your persuasion) smile on you this year.

Wet sand?

the rain in Dubai can be a funny thing. when a region gets a maximum rainfall of something like 30 mm annually, you tend to forget what rain feels like, smells like and more importantly the havoc it can create!

however, a 30-minute drizzle (as seen from my office alongside) two days ago led to some 700 minor accidents across Dubai! it also led to some strange sights (for Dubai)- puddles of water, people with umbrellas, wet shoe marks on pristine marble flooring...

but the weather has been beautiful, with cool winds and temps in the mid-teens. cloudy, grey skies provide a welcome relief to never-ending sunny and cloudless days. and also set the mood for a single malt come the eve.

desktop criticism

faithful readers have complained that my postings are not true to the spirit of this blog. said readers feel that i should write more about life in araby and not publish guff downloaded from some site (with due credits of course).

point noted. shall endeavour to spread more sand. but exercising my right to creative walkabouts, i shall continue posting points of general interest & flavour.

after all, no one ever talks about reader's block.

a holothurian or femella as a pet?

would u care to have this as your pet:







Excerpt from The Times: The creatures, also called sea cucumbers, or bêches-de-mer in French and namako in Japanese, are one of the items on Asian menus that Westerners often find most difficult to swallow. Known to scientists as holothurians, they resemble bloated brown sausages studded with warts. They scavenge from the sea floor, catching plankton and ocean debris in their tentacles. When alarmed by predators, they react first by firing sticky threads, and then by vomiting their internal organs, which later regrow. As if that wasn’t enough, they breathe through their anuses.
but taking a buddhist perspective (of all living creatures having SOME use), people of far-east asian ethnicity consider this as a delicacy, best had boiled and dried (perhaps with a spot of chutney on the side). bet no japanese kid yells if he has to eat broccoli...

as for me, i would rather have THIS as my pet:

GarageWare

VCs have always pored over balance-sheets, burn rates, IRRs, ROIs, blah blah blah & blah. this is esp true for investments in software / IT startups. but methinks VCs should also bring in real estate consultants when they analyse a funding proposal. for garages seem to loom large in these software successes. YouTube (the latest money machine, taken over by Google some time back) is just another startup that was founded and initially run from someone's garage.
so i have an idea: identify all the available garages in a given market (especially in California & China), buy them up and rent them out to wannabe software moguls. eventually corner the world garage market, and set up a consultancy to advise these moguls on the ideal garage to rent. this new input to the software indutry will be called garageware, and a new company will be set up to run this business. the company will be called GarageDoors, and will have Windows.
remember u read about this here first!
more on the biz plan later.

random pensées

just to get back into the groove as it were. diarists in times past used quills, reed and wood to fashion their writing instruments. the modern diarist uses the keyboard. is that writing? or is that data entry (i dataentered this blog on thursday...).

news today of a neighbour's death from over-indulgence in the demon brew. the 2nd in his family to be killed thus. this family is a microcosm of a larger economic context - a vicious circle of poverty, big-city aspirations, minimal education and a grinding inability to bring in resources to get out of this circle. leading to escapism, a denial of reality.
had spent some pleasant times as a boy with this man. and i will always be grateful to this family for making me develop a more rounded perspective. and also because seeing their situation helped me stay rooted to a hard reality - life CAN be unfair. so make the most of it while it is.

have developed this funny craving for chelo kebabs. thankfully, staying in dxb ensures access to this most sinful of delicacies, first experienced in a bombay eatery whose fame and recall just highlight the fact that PR can do wonders, even without underlying substance.

consistency

the gap atwixt my posts is steady at 6 weeks - remarkable consistency for a gemini.
this gap has seen a lot - the passing of a loved relative, rather severe ill-health, post-campaign stress disorder and nervous jitters brought on by the fact that there was nothing to be nervous about.
am told by the local bedouin that adjustment to the summer heat here takes a while. and hence the ups and downs. thrilled me no end to hear that.
but the ramadaan feasts have helped improve morale! more on this in the next post!
till then, festina lente!

Time n tide wait for no man (perhaps ariel does)

this matter of posting posts... a blog cant be a blog unless it's updated regularly. (dead blog: log). and there have been the odd grumblings of discontent from loyal readers (2 at last count) at the lack of new content. To them, and to future LRs, apologies and a promise to be more regular.

Cherrabay!

a year ago today après moi le déluge became a reality for bombay. bombay survived. battered, bruised and wet behind the ears & elsewhere. but alive and open for business. unlike the namesake town of the supposed author of the quote.
plan to open a very dry wine tonight to salute those who battled & won, battled & lost. and a friend who provided shelter and entertainment in his car for 19 hours.
this day last year i could not imagine that exactly one year later i would be sweltering in 48 deg heat. in a country where average monthly rainfall is 7mm. such are the vagaries of life...

in memory...

We are all British!!

Hillary Rodham Clinton traces her origins to the same part of northeast England as George Washington, the first president of the United States.

The great-great-grandfather of George Clooney, the actor, emigrated from Ireland and became a jeweller.

President George W. Bush is connected by one blood line to Wild Bill Hickock, the western gunfighter. (Blood SHOULD spill if this news really gets about.)

Tom Cruise traces his roots to a Welshman who emigrated to Kentucky in 1850.
(His real is Thomas Cruise Mapother IV. He has all our sympathies. Must have really annoyed his parents.)

Tom Hanks, the actor, is distantly related to Abraham Lincoln. (wonder if thats the inspiration for the beard in Castaway).

(since my parents were technically british till independance, i wonder if i can claim british ancestry... any light on this will help my move to the mother country!)

Swallows in summer too...

Monica Lewinsky is in the London School Of Economics...

Champagne - Coventry - Chandigarh

A guide to those misguided souls who think champers should be uncorked with a loud POP, and let the precious fluid spurt away, to be soaked up by carpets and divers other non-appreciative receptacles.

Scientists at Coventry University have developed a mathematical formula which enables people to uncork the bottle without wasting even a single drop of champagne.The formula, which has been named "Smith's Law" after its founder, Dr. Steve Smith, is P = T / 4.5 + 1, where P stands for pressure and T indicates the temperature. It is based on the well-known fact that the pressure in a typical bottle of champagne at room temperature is equivalent to the pressure of a double - decker bus tyre. As per the formula to stop the cork from flying off, the temperature of the liquid should be between 5C and 7C, which means that the pressure will be 2 to 2.5 atmospheres, a third lower than when the bottle is at room temperature.The researcher says that keeping the temperature right is the most important thing as if you get the temperature right, the pressure will be right and you will be able to enjoy the champagne at its best.

A thought: cricket, that most english of pursuits, celebrates victories big and small with champagne, that most french of philosophies. However, that does not explain the ludicrity (does that exist) of a milk-drinking jat popping open a taittinger at the conclusion of a certain epic battle in 1978. At Lord's.

The incredible lightness of being

an accidental look at my weight the other day made me wobble with fright - 100 kgs and counting! called for prompt action through the correct channels. a pizza later, decided to do the GM diet.
at conclusion yesterday, i was hoping to bounce along the asphalt, pounds lighter. tho not too much avoirdupois has been shed, i AM feeling a bit cleaner (internally, as it were) and am planning to do this diet once more.
the only fly in the ointment is the preponderance of fruits in the thing; fruits being one thing at which i look askance. am more the meat and veg types...
attached pic shows effect of day 4: 3 glasses milk & 8 bananas...

By the way....

what do birds and bees talk about....?

Go to Hell!

On the Day of The Devil (according to popular custom), thought would pitch in to help drive tourist traffic to this little town in Michigan, USA. Around since 13 October 1841, with a permanent pop. of 72. Joins other American towns and cities with names that defy logic - Arab, Intercourse (Alabama), Unalaska (Alaska), Allah (Arizona), Yellville (Arkansas), and so on and so back. For more pointless city names in a rather pointless country refer to http://www.thealmightyguru.com/Pointless/Cities.html.

Was planning to go see The DV Code today - devils day and what have you. ticket cost (AED 30) and a tendency to fall asleep in my coffee (result of being at client's service till 4 in the morn two days running) forced me to change plans. shall festina lente and put up the feet with a pipe tonight instead. with a stiffish G n T.

the Dubai dacha and environs

in kitchen after succesfully boiling water

Kunal (house mate) n self in the lawn.
when elephants dance, the grass is trampled
(old ba-xi saying)







1 Bakhit Villa from a distance.
Bakhit's Buckets on thu nights.

the long and winding road...