Forty years ago, I fell in love.

 

Forty years ago, I was struck by the divine emotion. There were no thunderbolts or outbreaks of heavy breathing. Just a conviction that this was where the heart would reside.

I first saw her on a blisteringly wet day in May. As I got out of the airport, she was right in front of me. I don’t really believe in love at first sight, and she wasn’t exactly your ethereal beauty with tendrils of soft, silken hair but more of an earthy, dusky maiden with a tinge of weariness (that would disappear with the setting sun, I learnt later). And she was older to me. At that age, I didn’t really understand the implications of falling in love, let alone with an older being. But I wasn’t about to hesitate and let such dystopian considerations stop me from letting in the divine E.

She accompanied me as I drove along the wet road and I realised that she had a lot of hidden charms which were not evident at first sight. I was given a glimpse of tantalising vistas, dark yet inviting spaces fragrant with the scents of a life lived with full fervour, and the ephemeral sense of being led on to something bigger than self, where the soul could find repose. Which is what my fevered brain considered love to be.

 Even after all these years, I have not been able to find a coherent explanation of why I love Calcutta so much (it may be Kolkata on maps but it’s always Calcutta to me, just like Bombay). She is not as beautiful, clean and well laid out as Paris, she’s not as naughty as Amsterdam, she’s not redolent of Empire as much as London (well perhaps that’s not quite right but you know what I mean). Even the people are not entirely palatable. The only thing that can be said in her favour is that’s its easy to find fault with her. But over the years I have been repeatedly drawn, like a male bee to a Queen bee, to this crazy, volatile, barely functioning yet thriving megapolis. I have visited as a tourist, transited as a passenger and lived as a resident in her heaving bosom, and have always left wanting more and have returned to drink greedily at the fount. I think there are several reasons for this mad infatuation.

The first reason is the ladies of Calcutta. “Bengali Beauty” is an oft-bandied phrase that may not mean much to a non-Calcuttan (different from a non-Bengali, for Calcutta is not necessarily Bengal), but every 2^nd lady walking down the street, however mean and dingy it may be, can stop you in your tracks, with the same impact as walking into a lamp post. They can take your breath away even when they are cursing you. I am privileged to count a few Calcutta ladies in my circle of close friends, and they have always brought good cheer and rays of sunshine into an otherwise humdrum life. And lots of food.

The second point is the food. Since I love seafood and Chinese food, and am generally a laid-back food lover, Calcutta appeals to my epicurean sense (which some unkind people call gluttony). It offers provender of multiple origins in tiny shacks, glittering 5-star hotels and everything in between. We are talking about love here, so I won’t get into details of the exquisite rolls, noodles, fish curries, biryanis and parathas that I have scarfed down over the years. Suffice it to say that Calcutta will give you a Happy Belly. Always.

The third point is nostalgia. I will confess to being an Empire buff and have always felt a faint regret that Empire pulled out of its brightest crown jewel (as I heard someone describe India), of which Calcutta was the Centre. So, for me Calcutta was and is a means of connecting with a past that was rich, glorious and dilettantish, with a side of madness which used to afflict Empire builders so that they could go forth and conquer. My first visit to London reminded me so much of Calcutta I had to stagger into a passing tea shop and restore the tissues. Of course, the tea shop belonged to a Bengali from Calcutta. Today, that rich past is not even a shadow of its former self. It clings precariously to a diaphanous existence in the minds of people and to a sprawling diaspora which always gets teary-eyed at the mention of mishti doi (not one of my favourites by the way).

Finally (at least for this piece), is perhaps the sense, not always well-defined, of being slightly above the material. Yes, there are rich Calcuttans (not always Bengali), but in the city you will be hard put to find ostentatious displays of new wealth. The wealth in Calcutta is old, very old, and is not meant to be displayed to the average bipedal. The wealth is not always economic - it is very intellectual, it is very gastronomic, it is very cultural, it is very literary, and it is very much there. I find this very liberating, coming as I do from Bombay where your wallet size determines your social standing. Many of my close friends are from Calcutta and their disdain for the cushion of currency has always fascinated me. They are richer than I am in more ways than one.

There are many more reasons, and every day will push one or more as the most important reason. Because this is classic love – complex, ever changing, waxing and waning, yet always burning bright.

Forty years on, I will never fall out of love with Calcutta. I may not have always been faithful to her, but she doesn’t really care. She has far too many suitors to worry about the one. On my next visit, I will perhaps discover yet one more reason to stoke my love for her. Till then, শীঘ্রই আবার দেখা হবে.

death is a...breath-taking experience!

i recently joined the vast army of people on this planet who have lost their father. the loss could have been in different ways, with different timelines and with different reasons. but the end result is the same for all of us - there is a gap in our lives which will never be filled.

my father lived his life guided by 1 or 2 key principles from which he never deviated. the 1st was the importance of family in all matters. not just immediate family, but everyone connected by filial / sibling bonds. he was after all the 8th of 10 children of his parents and knew perfectly well the meaning and importance of "large family".

the 2nd principle was discipline in every life routine. there was a time and a place for everything, and everything had to have a time and place. deviations from this rule were just not accepted and woe betide he or she who was late or otherwise breached the rules!

he loved books, crosswords, cross words, black label and chess - hallmarks of an intellectual who could hold his own in any argument (as was expected of a man who had three degree and had became a lawyer by the age of 21 years).

a sharp mind, a sharp tongue and a very soft corner for his grandchildren and all other children of that segment, all made my father a much-loved patriarch of the clan. i used to be quite scared of him as a child but over the years our relationship matured into one of easy camaraderie, of a deep but unspoken love. he had many regrets, of opportunities missed (plenty of them), of giving up personal choices at the feet of "family first", but he never let on to anyone about them. stoicism was his middle name, and he bore with a fortitude and grace seen rarely, a lot of what an unforgiving life threw at him.

his passing left me without the chance to catch up with him of what he had been up to in the 18 months since i last met him. and also the chance to be by his side after nearly 2 decades away from home. he left us in the same way as he had lived his life - quietly, without fuss and with dignity. indeed a very breath-taking departure!

goodbye papa, and thank you for everything.