A Tale of two CTs (with apologies to C.Dickens)

 

I like general elections.

To many they are serious exercises of democrazy in which the electorate – that chunk of age-enabled citizenry that is suspected to be sentient enough - chooses its political representatives through a quaint process called “voting”. This “voting” is touted as a “duty for the citizens” of the country they inhabit.

To others, they provide a lot of CTs (Cheap Thrills). As aspirants clash for that most important currency – The Vote – those whose votes are up for grabs are treated to a show that rivals the best circuses going. From portentous proclamations of fighting for the greater good of our constituency, to thunderous assurances of showering benefits in exchange for Our Vote, all the way to sickly smiles and meet-and-greet marathons, We Who Vote get to see a side of human nature that would make Machiavelli nod gravely at this vindication of his belief that Politics Has No Relation To Morals.

And I just love the way people Show The Finger after voting.

2024 is a year filled with elections across the globe. I mean at the national level of course – granular level elections are held almost every day somewhere (for instance, I was elected Prime Mini Stirrer of Coffee in my house today). Four are of great social (media), political, economic and circus import – India, UK, France and the USA. Of these India and the UK elections are of particular interest to this author owning to his ancestry, roots, interests, and general curiosity levels.

The elections in India were mammoth, to put it mildly. 642 million people (you read that right) voted in an election festival that lasted 7 weeks. People were elected, the PM was duly (re) appointed, and the good citizens of the country went back to their argumentative selves (Dr. Amartya Sen, profound apologies). There were a few twists in the tale though. There was a whole doodah about faulty calculations (two zeroes that weren’t at the fore – from the land that invented zero, imagine!) and estimates of seats to be won – something possibly connected to the Indy 400. Then, the opposition benches suddenly became crowded. And noisy. For the first time in a decade, the country had a Leader of the Opposition in Parliament. This gentleman (one hopes to see a lady there soon of course) suddenly developed teeth and started baring them at the government. Finally, the country went back to reliance on ABC (Administration By Coalition). But all’s well that ends well. We the Voters showed that karma can really be a bitch.

In an interesting aside, both the LOG (Leader of Government) and the LOP (Leader of the Opposition Party) have beards. Macho democrazy. In Bengal they would be called Macho Das.

The elections in the Mother Country were apparently a foregone conclusion. A drop in the ocean compared to the one in its former colony. But the country laboured to prove that it is the Mother of Democrazy. The current Tenant tried to get inspiration from Ginger Rogers (Singin' In The Rain) but forgot that pithy one liner from Bill - “There is a tide in the affairs of men which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune”. My personal opinion is that Brown may be a common name in the Mother Country; dermal shades of the same hue may be rising (there is a significant land mass there which should be called India Occupied UK), the (ex) colonials may be contributing massively to shore up the afore-mentioned fortunes, but the country is not yet ready for a reverse power play. If I were part of IOUK, I would focus on that fortune bit and not worry about the affairs of men.

At the time of writing, the elections in France have thrown up the usual bouillabaisse. Though a highly author-itative country, it showed that Le Pen is not mightier. Le peuple français had obviously read Steinbeck’s Grapes Of Wrath and rightly pushed her sods away. Apparently they were going to shorten the length of the baguette. Quel horreur! One hopes the country is left to its own devices.

The elections in the USA are more of a Senior Citizens Home election. There should be a minimum and maximum age limit for candidates here. The mind boggles at the prospect of the Land Of The Free being run by a person who cannot run. With one candidate getting an earful, and the other likely to cast his vote for George Washington, one wonders if elections should be held at all here. I don’t think the average DonJoe is really bothered. After all, most can’t name their Senator, or the capital of their own state.

In closing I just realised why the Chinese don’t have elections. It’s because in Mandarin, there is no difference between the L and the R sounds.