RIP Xiexier (4-9-2007 to 13-5-2021)

 

Xiexier left his alternate reality on 13^th May 2021. Xiexier was a teen in human terms so why does this unlamented departure deserve a blog post?

Because Xiexier was my alter ego on Facebook. Yes, I had a Facebook avatar. And I am glad I discarded it. Because it represents a liberation for my soul.

Xiexier happened on planet Facebook back in 2007. FB itself was a 3-year-old toddler, and today’s heavy userbase was just an egg struggling to get into an ovum. Xiexier was attracted to FB’s radical-for-the-times idea of a “social medium”, using the internet to give him the ability to “reconnect with your loved ones”, even across vast distances, by simply writing something on a “wall” (whoever decided to call it a post was obviously a male. Bad pun intended).

Xiexier posted incessantly. Piecemeal thoughts. Greetings. Queries on someone’s wellbeing. Random stuff about literally anything that tickled Xiexier’s fancy, or thought would interest his cousin’s wife’s sister’s long lost school friend. Facebook allowed Xiexier to not only find out what happened to his school flame, but also allowed him to poke fun at her current mate. It allowed Xiexier to enter a new reality where friends and families of his friends and families became his friends and families.

It also was a place where Xiexier shared his greatest highs, his deepest griefs and just occasionally the unbearable lightness of being. For FB was a digital Speaker's Corner where everyone got a chance to express freely and without fear.

Over time the ease of posting and the impact it had on impressionable minds made FB a propaganda tool to influence thoughts and opinions to good and bad agendas. It became a vaguely evil manifestation of man's ability to speak with a forked tongue. 

Xiexier had always used FB more as a graffiti wall - an outlet for random bursts of colourful stuff. It was never a serious source of anything for him. But the stuff on his wall became increasingly fractious. He started seeing new and not particularly pleasant shades of people whom he thought he knew very well. It became an evil mirror which showed man’s natural face and mortified Xiexier. He had to come out of this alternativist situation.

Xiexier stopped posting and ignored FB for a long time. And found he didn't miss it. But then neither did FB miss him - the mammoth propagator of likes just barreled on, disdainful of the many discarded emoticons it left in its wake!

Last month Xiexier notified Mark’s Minions of his wish to discontinue his alternate reality. On 13^th May his wish was fulfilled.

The great sage Baxicius said, “Man Who Leave Facebook RIP – Rest In Posts”. So, RIP Xiexier.

Birthdays in the time of Covid (with profound apologies to Gabriel García Márquez)

The last two years have seen too many “birthdays” getting unexpectedly converted to “birth anniversaries”. Birthday indulgences these days are either not possible in the way we used to celebrate them in the BC era or seem downright grotesque when we see all the mayhem wreaked by a virus.

So, though my birthday celebrations are not page 3-worthy, I did indulge myself by going down memory lane. It's something I do effortlessly and frequently.

I suppose I was always a wee brat for my dad, even after I started shaving. Thoughts of his annual ritual of giving me Rs. 100 on my birthday and saying "Here you go. Have some fun” are what triggered this walkabout.

During my college days I used to have a strong need of what is today called "me time". So, with those 100 skins I used to trot off by myself to "town" (as SoBo is called), buy a couple of books, have a massive lunch at the much-loved and much-lamented quirky-after-my-heart Samovar (in Jehangir Art Gallery) and return home. Feeling very grown up.

Dad continued with this even after I reached the shaving stage, passed out (feet first) from college and started doing odd jobs which could fund my me time. Of course, the 100 skins had to be augmented to 5 times that amount (with self contributing the balance). Bur for him it was an acknowledgement of my need to be by myself, and for me it was the continuation of a much-loved tradition. Pops was very strong on tradition, btw.

I have a Rs. 100 note in my wallet (think its pre-DeMon). So today I took it out, placed in on the table (like pops used to do since I would be snoring when he would leave for work) and put it back in my wallet. Thank you pops. Let’s go party!

And oh, remember what the Great Sage Baxicius said: Never ask woman her salary and man his age.

Travel broadens the…waist

One of my favourite dictums (dictii?) is “Travel Broadens The Mind”. Usually delivered with a lot of gravitas by an armchair traveller whose furthest travel has been to what we Indians call “native”, or “hometown”. This was perhaps valid in the early days when travel was a more leisurely and refined activity rather than the frantic, Instagrammable, group dash it is today.

In pre-Google days people not only took a long time to reach their destinations, they also took the trouble of learning about the history, ethnography, language and culture of the destination by actually reading up on the available literature of the place. So, not only did we broaden our minds, but by doing moved that much higher up the evolution scale (when was the last time you saw an ape reading up on “Thing To Do In Deadhorse, Alaska”?)

But an ancillary benefit of this kind of travel has not really got its place in the sun – the opportunity to try different cuisines, in the countries of their origin. Globalisation has made it possible to eat sushi in Saki Naka (a suburb of Mumbai, India) but does it have the same feel-good factor as going to Sushi Saito in Tokyo?

Travel for travel’s sake may have been a fad during the times of da Gama and Columbus, but today with the growth of digital media, there are “bucket lists” of things to do which usually include dining at “famous local eatery in Timbuktu” and posting photos of you holding the dead goat’s head on Instagram. Food For Likes.

Ancient cities like London, Paris, Tokyo, Beirut, Fez and Amsterdam have a whole host of famous eating spots and you cannot visit these cities without eating in at least one of these spots. The mushrooming of food blogs, restaurant review sites and cooking shows fuels an urgent desire to “travel to be seen to be eating in the right place”. As long as you are travelling to eat, I suppose it is OK.

As a resident of Dubai, the world’s most worldly city, I can access a host of international cuisines within half an hour of driving from home. Many restaurants try to recreate the ambience of the country whose cuisine is on offer. But the whole effect is ruined because the person serving you is never of the right ethnicity – surprising for a city with over 200 nationalities! I would rather enjoy Oktoberfest with a bevy of lederhosen-clad dralle Damen from Germany. Know what I mean?

I have had some very fine meals in the 29 cities that I have lived in during a rather chequered life and career (camel meat in Kano, Nigeria and so forth) I have also had some of the same meals in Dubai (camel burgers included), led on by memories of meals past. But the experience has always been spicier, more fragrant and much more insightful in the city itself. But as a microcosm of the world, Dubai serves its purpose of allowing you to sample cuisines from places you might not visit, and not just because of a virus.

So, the next time you feel hungry remember what renowned sage Baxicius said: “getting to table is also about journey, not just destination”.